


The risk is high but you can’t hide

by lisachan



Series: Leoverse [291]
Category: Glee
Genre: Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:54:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28778607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisachan/pseuds/lisachan
Summary: Following their night of passion, Matt and Cody speak in the morning. About what happened between them, what it means, where it comes from and, most importantly, where it's going.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: Leoverse [291]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/30541





	The risk is high but you can’t hide

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Waiting Drove Me Mad (You're Finally Here And I'm A Mess)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17815325) by [lisachan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisachan/pseuds/lisachan). 



> **WARNING:** This story is a spin-off sequel for Broken Heart Syndrome. This means that, despite not being properly set after BHS (but that's only because BHS is probably never going to have a proper ending and we'll keep talking about these people forever), it depicts things happening way late in the 'verse, and that may be on varying degrees of spoiler.
> 
> If you haven't read Tabata's [A long awaited roll of dice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17799803) and my [The Waiting Drove Me Mad (You're Finally Here And I'm A Mess)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17815325), what are you even doing here?
> 
> Written for the [#DecretoRistoPunti](https://www.landedifandom.net/maritombola-11-ristopunti-challenge/) challenge @ landedifandom.net, which wanted us to write a story a) where something the main character never expected to happen happens, b) there's a bisexual character, c) there's fluff, and d) between 2000 and 2999 words long.

At some point last night, Matthew left.

Cody was lying on the bed with his eyes closed, when it happened. He pretended to be sleeping because, as honest as they had been with each other the whole time, he didn’t feel like facing that conversation too. The _I should probably leave_ s and the _you could stay if you wanted to_ s. He knew it was just right for Matt to go, and he didn’t feel like making it weigh on him.

Matthew got off the bed as silently and discreetly as he could. He found his clothes fumbling around in the darkness of the room, blindly, and put them on. He grabbed his phone and wallet from the nightstand on his side of the bed and put them in his pants’ back pockets. Then he grabbed his jacket and he opened the door. That was the only splinter of light Cody saw, the bright white light coming from the hallway, strong enough to pierce through his shut eyelids. Then the door closed, the light disappeared, and Matt with it. Cody was left with the distant echo of his steps growing fainter as he walked off on the carpeted floor.

Only when he was sure Matt was gone, Cody allowed himself to open his eyes and sit up on the bed, with his shoulders against the headboard. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, Matt’s scent, mixing with the scent of sex, still strong in the air. He wasn’t drunk anymore and he kind of wished he still was, because then at least his brain would’ve had mercy of him, it wouldn’t have forced him to review obsessively what had happened in Blaine and Leo’s house, first, and in this very bed, after.

For more than an hour, his mind got stuck with it. How good it felt to have Leo so close to him again. The taste of his mouth, the warmth of his hands. The shape of his body, pressed up against his own in that closet. The strength of his thrusts, the way he moved against him hard, over and over again, chasing his pleasure on him. And then leaving the house feeling even worse than he felt walking in, knowing once again that whatever he could ever have with Leo would forever be crumbs stolen from Blaine’s plate, consumed quickly, hidden in some dark place. How awful it felt to _know_ that.

And then Matt. His smile, his careful touch. His patience and the strength of his desire. The comfort of his proximity. Cody whined and covered his face with both hands, whimpering. He could not allow himself to go there. Whatever happened between Matthew and him was over, now, as it should. He is a married man. He needed to remember that.

So he lied down again, brought the blanked up above his head, shut his eyes, went back to sleep.

He still feels awful today, as he opens his eyes when the alarm on his phone goes off around 9 AM. He opens his eyes and the room is lighter than it was the last time he saw it, and for some reason it also feels more alien. He drags himself sitting up, slightly bent forward, as though his shoulders had to bear some invisible weight. Perhaps they do.

Leo made him promise they’d spend the day together, today. “Since you’re in town,” he said, “We better make the most of it.”

Cody loves spending time with Leo, and he hates it. He loves it because just being by his side makes him feel more alive than he’s ever been. The way Leo looks at him electrifies him, the way he doesn’t even try to hide how much he wants him. At the same time, that’s exactly what makes the whole thing awful. Knowing Leo wants him but would never touch him, too scared to risk jeopardizing his relationship with Blaine in any way. He can’t help but think obsessively that if Leo touched him, last night, was only because Blaine had given him permission. That taints the whole thing – it makes it taste bitter. Knowing whatever small glimpse at true happiness he could ever have always depends on Blaine’s willingness to open the door for him, to let him see. 

Sighing deeply, he finally decides it’s time to get up. The little light blinking on his phone tells him he’s received a few texts while he wasn’t checking it, so he takes a look at them. There’s one from Vince, wishing him good night and asking him to call when he wakes up, and then there’s ten from Leo, all listing different things they could do today, and then apologizing with a series of funny faces because it was 7 AM when he sent them.

He finds himself disappointed because there’s nothing from Matt. Even though he knows he shouldn’t have expected anything to be there.

He can’t go there. He mustn’t go there. Whatever happened with Matthew was over the moment he walked out that door. It felt nice, and it was needed, but he can’t turn it into anything bigger than in already is. He cheated on Vince and he will have to find a way to confess him about it. And that is it. There can’t be anything else. He must stop thinking about him – what they shared, the fire between them, how just looking at him made Cody ache for a chance to possess him. That was nothing, it was meaningless, just physical attraction, a desire for friction, nothing more.

But then why is it that he literally leaps towards the door, his feet barely tapping against the carpeted floor, when he hears someone knocking? And how come he’s not hoping for it to be Leo, despite the fact that it’s entirely possible it could be him?

And why does his heart skip a beat, and then beats a thousand times faster, when he opens the door and finds Matt on the other side?

“…you came back,” he exhales after a silent pause that felt like eons long, in his mind.

Matt looks at him with troubled eyes, but there’s a faint smile on his sharp-edged face, and it’s sort of endearing, despite the tension in his features. “Hiya,” he says, “Did I wake ya up?”

Cody shakes his head, at first unable to form words. It’s like vocalizing Matt’s return took it all from him, he’s got nothing else.

“Good,” Matt goes on, nodding, “Can I come in?”

Cody nods and moves away from the door, letting him in. Matt walks past the threshold and looks around, taking in the room as though he had never seen it before.

“Looks diff’rent in the light,” he comments, and Cody’s soul kinda shivers as he realizes he thought almost the same thing when he woke up. “How ya doin’?”

The question shakes him – a question demands an answer. Matt expects him to answer. Cody turns to look at him, his eyes completely lost, and he swallows. “I… honestly don’t know.”

Matthew chuckles, reaching out to stroke his cheek. “’S good to hear ya speak again, cupcake. Thought ya lost ya tongue.”

Cody blushes, looking down. “I’m… I’m sorry,” he says, “I guess… I wasn’t expecting you to come back.”

“How come?”

“Well,” he shrugs, “You left.”

“Yeah,” Matt sighs and walks over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it, “I know. Wasn’t plannin’ on comin’ back either, actually.”

Cody feels like he shouldn’t ask, but he does anyway. “Why did you, then?”

Matthew looks up at him, and his eyes say all. They say too much. “C’me here,” he says softly, reaching out for him, signaling him to come closer.

Cody knows he shouldn’t. this was a mistake to begin with – isn’t this whole thing messy enough, already? Isn’t cheating once on two different people at the same time trouble enough?

Apparently not, because he walks straight towards him, and when Matt makes room for him on his lap Cody sits there, wrapping his arms around Matt’s long neck, his forearms resting on the outline of his thin, broad shoulders, and he inhales, and Matt’s scent feels good, and his warmth feels good, and Cody’s oh, so fucked.

“I’m glad you came back,” he whines a little, pressing his face against Matt’s neck, “Even though I feel bad about this whole thing. I don’t regret it,” he hastens to add, remembering Matthew asking him specifically not to ever regret it, last night, “But I feel bad.”

“Mmh,” Matt nods and cradles him a little, swinging gently back and forth as he wraps his long, slender arms around Cody’s waist, “Ya scared, aren’tcha?”

“Terrified.”

“Why?”

Cody shrugs dismissively. “Everything about Leo always terrified me.”

He can feel Matt’s low-frequency smile making the atmosphere around them ripple like the surface of a lake disturbed by raindrops. “Is this ‘bout Leo?”

Cody takes a second, investigates himself. Perhaps, he tries, this isn’t about Leo. Perhaps he just doesn’t love Vince anymore, somehow, perhaps he got bored with married life, all of a sudden, or perhaps he was just randomly fucking horny, and Matt was there, convenient. Maybe that’s all there is.

But no. It never was as easy as that. Leo broke his heart and caused him to run to New York, and the ghost of him, in New York, tied him to Blaine, and the irrational fear of doing something wrong to him by remaining with Blaine forced him to run to Florence. He ran between Vince’s arms, on the other side of the world, to run away from Leo, and still he came back to him, years after, because he couldn’t do less of him, he couldn’t fathom to live his whole life without him.

He went to Leo’s house, last night, not because he wanted to party, but because he wanted to see him. He played the dirty dice game not because he was drunk and on edge, but because he was hoping to end up between his arms, eventually. He had sex with Matt because he missed Leo like a sick man misses meds, and Matt was the next best thing he could afford.

So yes, he thinks. This is about Leo. It’s always all about Leo.

“Yeah,” he admits with a sigh, “Which… is ridiculous, because I’m married, and that’s what I should be worried about. But… I’m not.” Honesty feels raw between his lips, as though he was speaking in shards of glass. “I’m sorry about Vince, mind me. And I hate having done this to him. But I’m not scared about losing him.”

“Ya think he’s gonna understand.”

“No,” Cody shakes his head, “I think it’s worse than that. I think… even if he doesn’t understand, and we end up breaking up, I’d get over it. Eventually.”

“Contrary to what happen’d with Leo. Never got over him, did ya?”

“Never wanted to,” Cody admits, looking away. It feels good to finally say all this out loud, after so many years. To finally admit that if he never healed from the wound Leo inflicted him, it was primarily because he didn’t want to do it. That wound was all he had left of him. The bleeding reminded him of the pain. He had to hold on to the pain. The pain was what made sure he always remembered it had been real, at some point, that Leo and him had loved one another. Even if it was all over now.

“It’s scary,” Matt nods, holding him a little tighter, “I’ll give ya that. Livin’ like you do, pretendin’ your heart’s someplace, but knowin’ it’s someplace else. In the hands of someone who might crush it. Who will crush it.”

“He already crushed it,” Cody’s eyelids flutter. He feels tears there, hanging on the precipice. He holds them back, he doesn’t want to cry now. That’d be ridiculous. “I don’t think there’s anything he could do to me that would hurt more than when he left me.”

“BS,” Matt lets out a little laughter, “He could tell ya he doesn’t wanna see ya anymore.”

Cody thinks about it for a moment, then shakes his head. “No,” he says, “That wouldn’t hurt more.”

Matt offers him the smallest smile. Cody feels it against his forehead, and he closes his eyes, taking it in, enjoying it. Matt’s sweet. He’s a sweet person. He’s comforting. There’s something he has that Vince doesn’t have, he could never have – an understanding of what Leo is, what he means for him, the place he has in his heart. Matt can comfort him because he knows his pain, he knows where it comes from and how it works within him. Vince tried for years to understand, but it would be unfair to say he never managed. He just never could.

“What’s the scariest ya been when ya were with Leo?” Matt asks conversationally. Cody gets it – he wants to keep him talking about Leo. To avoid talking about them.

“Honestly?” he answers with half a smile, “When I found out he was bi. Suddenly there was all this competition.”

Matthew laughs, shaking his head. “Ya play in a different league than anybody else for him, cupcake.”

“Not everybody else,” Cody shrugs, “I play in Blaine’s league. And I lose to him, every time.”

Matt’s arms close tighter around him. The hug is warm, and it’s nice, despite being bittersweet. Cody closes his eyes, letting himself go to it.

“What d’ya wanna do?” Matt asks bluntly, “We can either keep this shit goin’, or we can stop. No pressure, I can do either.”

Cody inhales and exhales. He thinks about the possibilities.

He tells Matt this is over. He texts Leo and tells him he’s sorry, but he’s got to go back home. He hops on the first flight back. He runs away, as he already did once. He runs to Vince. He hides behind Vince, underneath him. He makes Vince his rock, he trusts him to try and make him feel happy again. Maybe he manages. Maybe he fails. Either way, his heart will never fully be in it, and he’s got to make peace with the thought, now.

Or.

He tells Matt okay. He tells him let’s give it a try. He tells him I don’t know if I love you, but you get me, and you make me feel good, better than I’ve felt in years, and maybe that’s what I needed, but I didn’t know. He tells him I will never stop loving Leo. I will never stop, because I cannot. My heart is wired to adore him, my body conditioned to respond to his, but if you can accept it, maybe we can make this work. And maybe I can get the thrill back. What I haven’t felt since I ran away. A chance to feel.

He looks up at him. Matt is smiling and seems to have no worries. Cody has no idea how he does it – perhaps he can teach him.

“Aren’t you scared?” he asks.

Matt shrugs, his smile a constant. “Nah,” he says, “All my life, I’ve lost more than I found. That makes the findin’ more precious than the losin’. Whatever I might end up losin’ after today.”

Cody knows what he means. Vince is also only half of the problem for him too. He might be ready to lose his husband to something better, but if he goes through with this, he might end up losing Leo, too. And he could never be ready for that.

He looks down for a little while, his fingers playing with Matt’s hoodie’s strings. “Am I a finding?” he asks uncertainly.

Matt chuckles, leaning in to kiss him lightly on his lips. “Well, I found ya, didn’t I?” he asks rhetorically.

Cody closes his eyes. The thrill is there. He must hope he can make Leo understand what this is, and how does it work, and why it’s necessary.

He smiles. He nods.


End file.
